also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
