Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
His nipple licking is glorious
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