Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
