If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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