In the future we'll all be gay
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize