he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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