3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
