he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
