Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
