So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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