I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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