I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We talked him into tasing himself.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
