Moan for me like Helen Keller
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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