My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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