I puked a lego.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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