Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
