My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
