He had one of those small greek statue penises
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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