it wasn't lemon gatorade
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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