girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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