somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
