Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
