I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
