So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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