Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
