dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
