i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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