Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
