so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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