Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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