Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
