If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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