Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.

Fav 6 1390 2901
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(907): View more from Alaska

You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you

Fav 8 2817 1210
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?

Fav 5 2816 1108
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(949): View more from California

Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.

Fav 10 1675 894
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(772): View more from Florida

So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.

Fav 12 3781 1547
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(845): View more from New York

Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins

Fav 6 1648 844
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(330): View more from Ohio

I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.

Fav 2 656 541
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(319): View more from Iowa

How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??

Fav 6 14 219
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(250): View more from British Columbia

beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.

Fav 0 43 10
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