The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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