Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
