i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she told me i tasted like america
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
