i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
