i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I AM VODKA MAN
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
