I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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