I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
