Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
