Will you blow on my dice?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I think I won the penis lottery.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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