my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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