3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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