just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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