whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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