his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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