I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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