so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
