he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
