would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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