I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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