i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
