Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
