I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
