just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
