just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
