First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
