someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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