Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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