my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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