You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
