Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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