I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
