When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
