if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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