Where is the hickey?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
