how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
