Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
