forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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